Doubts and Fears

Soul-deep sadness hits me in my face again, as it does now and then,
I don't know why, but I want to cry,
I had a passionate, erotic day, with someone who's too far away,
Now, night draws near, he isn't here.

Down Under, there's another girl, the main part of his reality,
I wonder, does she make his blood burn, like it does for me,
Or is it cold as ice, does he close his heart, lock that part away,
Save it for me, for another day, another time of passionate play?

Sometimes this all seems like a fantasy, but, for now, it's our reality,
He tells me his love is true, and he'd like to be with me,
But sometimes I feel blue, and only he has the key,
It's all on his time, not my time, and there's no reason or rhyme.

The future is a question mark, he cannot answer now,
Obstacles block our path, and questions bog us down,
Sometimes, he feels my wrath, and storm clouds blow,
But just as fast, a rainbow forms, and once again we know.

We chose a crazy way to love, an endless cyber road,
Across the oceans, worlds away, it is a heavy load,
Often when I need him most, he cannot get away,
But I know, he'll be mine again, on some other day.

Living and Loving Online

A lifetime ahead, that's what we said,
Happy online, everything fine,
Excited by the idea of Someday, not scared, you say,
But, for now, in our online world, let's stay.

We are safe here in our online world, nothing can stop our play,
You can finish what must be done, then come here for loving fun,
Relax with me, whate'er might be, the future we have yet to see,
This is OUR time, silly or sublime, time to talk, or take a virtual walk.

We find ways to show we care, photos, quotes, and songs we share,
Sometimes we ask, how do you feel, and Skype calls make it all more real,
In quiet moments on the phone, you remind me I'm your own,
Passion flares bright as the sun, and we know that WE are ONE.

NOW and ZEN

NOW and ZEN

I used to think of time as Now and Then,
The past was made up of Last...
The last day of school, end of rules,
The last date of courtship, new relationship,
The last day of pregnancy, labor with poignancy,
The last day of youth, facing truth.

Now, older and wiser, faded, a bit jaded,
Time is blending, no more ending,
There is no Last, no more Past,
Lessons continue out of school, there really ARE NO RULES,
A new relationship comes to view, as Love evolves with YOU and ME,
I AM pregnant with possibility, feeling poignant from responsibility,
My Youth has returned as I face the Truth...
In Oneness, LOVE has set us FREE,
No more future expectancy...
Now and ZEN, WE can BE.

NOW AND FOREVER

There was a time, not long ago, I sometimes felt I couldn't live,
I felt so low, expected more than you could ever give,
We seemed doomed to always be apart, as the words pierced my heart--
Never. We can never be together. I'm married, can't you see?
And the world keeps getting in the way. But I love you...maybe someday.

We stayed in contact as much as we could, and our days on chat and Skype were good,
But sometimes I was haunted by fear that you would never really stay near,
Then, we were chatting one passionate night, and my heart was filled with Light,
You said you loved me, even might, love me forever, and stop saying Never--
I asked you, with hope in my heart, did you mean it, I had to know,
And you quietly, hesitantly said, I think so.

You said, for now, it's fantasy, but it is good for you and me,
For now, this moment, stay with me, enjoy our love, and we will see,
The future that is meant to be, the life we've planned for you and me,
I promise I will not say never, for our love will last Forever.
So dry your tears, and have no fear, I will not abandon you,
Come my love, to my side, there is no reason now, to hide.

Dark Night of the Soul

Drowning, I feel the ocean's roll,
Waves crashing over me, leaving me,
Broken, bleeding, needing rescue,
I feel so far away from You.

Abandoned to my own devices, vices,
Doubts and fears, taking toll,
Over the years, ocean's roll,
Drowning me, salty tears.

Where is the LOVE when I need You,
Where is my Heart, so far apart,
The world is too much, distance too far,
I'm losing hope, A distant Star.

I see the wreckage of my boat,
No longer afloat,
Life's dreams, screams, all that I see...
Self-destruction of ME.

Can I rise, see the skies of HOME,
So far away, no longer roam,
Do I have the will, my EGO to kill,
Or is there a gentler way, a brighter day?

Can I let go of the flotsam here below,
The wreckage tangling me, drowning me,
Preventing ME from ever BEing FREE...
Can I let go, and LET US BE?