WHERE DO I FIT

Where do I fit in your busy life,
When you're still stuck with your Karmic wife,
More concerned with financial strife,
And letting silence cut like a knife?

In our online LDR,   words were once like falling stars,
Sparkles of Light filling the night,
Love and laughter, and everything right,
Dreaming of a future so bright...
NOW a choice twixt Good day and Goodnight.

We promised we'd go through this together,
While we worked on our Forever,
But sometimes in fear, you told me Never,
And text became an arduous endeavor.

Sometimes I wonder if it's real,
And I wonder what you really feel,
Is this Love the REAL Deal,
Or are we both just spinning wheels,
While waiting for the wounds to heal?

And yet I know it isn't just us,
Many Twins are on the same bus,
This journey is very hard and long,
With Karmics lulling with Siren song,
Pulling partners back into their web,
While Love of Twin is at its ebb. 

They say the DM is full of woe,
And has a long way still to go,
And so he leaves his Twin alone...

The DF has battles of her own,
But occasional chat, 
Or call on the phone,
Might keep her heart from turning to stone.

AstrandaLynn ~~COPYRIGHT 2017~~
http://poeticdream111111.blogspot.com

FRUSTRATED AGAIN

No more excuses,  no more hoops,
I'm sick and tired of endless loops,
Being led on like a dog on a leash,
While you're in your comfort zone,
Out of my reach.

It's always on your terms, not mine,
I wait here, dying on the vine,
While you feed me another line,
Why should you care...
Your life's just fine.

I'm getting older, but not any wiser,
My heart feels cold, my mind is a geyser,
The journey is hard, but loosens the Bard,
Sometimes it seems you hold all the cards.

Right from the start,  it's been only online,
No way out of our paradigm,
Promises made have no say,
And life keeps getting in the way.

You said NEVER,  then said Someday,
Talked of Forever,  then backed away,
So nonchalant you drive me insane,
And you don't seem aware of my pain...
Watching our dreams go down the drain.

MERCURY RETROGRADE MUSINGS

Have I been wrong all this time,
Settling for a life only online,
Am I not worth more than that,
More than just sporadic chat.

Words is all we have to keep alive the fantasy,
Or so it seems when you're away from me,
Tethered to our internet connection,
Limited in our verbal selection,
Is speaking words of love too much,
Is our friendship really enough?

When we started years ago,
I vowed to never let you go,
And when we argued, I'd always know,
That we would always be back again,
And I was more than just a friend.

But there are times I wonder now,
If I should have kept that vow,
Would our lives have been different then,
If we had stayed just casual friends,
Or did it have to be this way,
So we would come to see this day.

Loving you from afar, I only see glimpses of who you are,
And I'm on the fringes of your life,
Not knowing if you are still with your wife,
And that's a continuing source of strife.

 Not sure I want to be a lifelong mystery,
Never knowing where I stand,
Afraid to speak my mind,
Because you won't admit I exist offline.

http://poeticdream111111.blogspot.com

TIL ALL ILLUSIONS END

Endlessly waiting alone,
I feel I must atone,
For wasting my life away,
As I grow older day by day.

Seven years struggling,
Time lines juggling,
Aussie-American time zones,
Keeping me alone.

You have your life, I have mine,
Still straddling that Equator line,
Balancing on this big blue ball,
Still wondering...
What if we should really fall?

Sometimes it's hard to cope,
And I nearly give up hope,
Tears fall freely, as I mope...
Synchronicity gives me a sign,
Then you come online,
And everything's fine.

You seem to endure the wait, far better than I,
Or maybe that's my mind, telling me another lie,
Til all illusions end,
And Truth be revealed as foe or friend.

http://poeticdream111111.blogspot.com

I Couldn't Tell You That I Love You

Superficial, friendly talk,
I'm burdened so I can barely walk,
Throat Chakra blocked so I cannot speak,
Heart aches, crying makes me weak,
Words of love filled to brimming,
All I know is I must keep swimming.

Why can't we speak of how we feel,
It would make this feel more real,
Perhaps that's why you stopped telling me,
And why, tonight I'm feeling lonely,
And you still won't tell me you want me only. 

MUSINGS OF A RESTLESS MIND

With the Tarot I did play, the card of Death was the Card of the Day,
And my inner feelings all held sway,
 Queen Hecate's Torch, a flaming ray,
Goddess of the Crossroads, leading the way,
Up from the dark to the Light of Day. 

Death is Life, and naught to fear,
A lesson from the Wheel of the Year,
Circling ever, ever near,
Sun and Moon, Love is here.

Decisions and choices, too many voices,
Lost in confusion, drowned in delusion,
Was it all just an illusion,
Holographic illustration, life a maze of endless frustration?

What are the answers, will they ever show,
As round and round the Wheel I go,
The endless Quest gives me no rest,
My maniac Will to know.  

AstrandaLynn~~COPYRIGHT 2016~~

http://poeticdream111111.blogspot.com

Musings In The Night

I trust because I have no choice,
It's just I feel I've lost my voice,
Waiting for too long,
I feel I've lost my song.

Fingers softened by the years,
Guitar strings rusted by falling tears,
A woman feels the weight of age,
Long-lost dreams cry out in rage...
Tear drops fall on poet's page.

My life's chaotic, my mind's a mess,
Apartment's a wreck, I must confess,
Overwhelmed with clutter, even worse,
I seem to be moving, but stuck in reverse.

Revisiting places I thought were gone forever,
Newly discovered, merely buried, hidden Never,
For days I slept in dreamless nightmares,
Now my ego arises screaming rage,
My mirror shows me no wiser with age.

Somewhere I lost ME, sometime ago,
My voice was gone, along with my song,
Captive, longing to be FREE, not on a shelf,
The cage was my own doing, not anyone else,
And I have the key, to unlock Myself.

I've felt like a fake, dancing at a Masque,
Tripping and falling, failing my Task,
Blaming the world, upbringing, and Love,
Ever afraid to face the Gods Above.

Queen Hecate calls me from my sleep,
Her wolves, howling, make me weep,
Her torch held high, lights up the sky,
Her Call to me,  I can't deny.

The balance I seek lies within,
The path of Soul is not a sin,
Ever leading to my Twin,
But I must be ready to begin.

The Wheel of the year completing its march,
December will complete the arc,
And soon a New Year will make its mark,
As I find my way back from the dark. 

AstrandaLynn~~Copyright 2016~~

http://poeticdream111111.blogspot.com